Everything just stood still and our eyes met the moment she walked into the room. She could have been in a more crowded room and I would have noticed her miles away, she was absolutely stunning. She gave me a gentle smile; one that lasted half a second but will stay in my heart forever. I looked for her everywhere and asked everyone in the place if they knew her or had seen her, but within every “No, I don’t know who you are referring to” or “No, never heard of her”, I grew doubt, I thought maybe I had gone mad. Hours passed and still no sign of her. I became desperate and anxious, I walked all over and around the room that security started questioning my intentions. A few times, the father f the groom, my friend of twenty years, came to check on me, making sure I was all right. He knew how happy I was he was getting married but not too thrilled about whom he was getting married to.
I started walking away from the only place that connected me to her. I was scared; I knew I was never going to see her again within every step I took. But I convinced myself it wouldn’t be worth it. I convinced myself that going back was a big mistake, yes, she might show up again, but what do I know about this woman? She was beautiful, nothing like I’ve ever seen before, she was the most gentle look and warming smile, I felt like I could stare at for the rest of my life, but who could assure me that she would be interested? That she was available? Maybe I was drunk, how could anything be true? I was hallucinating. But what if she was real? If I went back, I could keep looking for her, even if I asked every single person in the wedding or for a guest list and their plus ones? I kept walking, and I must admit, I did almost go back a couple times, I ever started walking back for about five minutes.
I got to my destination; got on the bus and back home. Never looked back again. I regret every step I took since she came in side that room…
TO BE CONTINUED…
Today I would like to thank all my friends and family and all the people that have taken the time to read all the blog posts for the past two months, you guys are awesome! Thank you millions and millions of times for your support, I will forever be grateful. 💜
I don’t know where to begin but one thing I am sure about is how difficult it’s going to be to word these feelings out. I’ve slacked off, I’ve betrayed you, but the most messed up part is I haven’t talked to you in years even after knowing I was wrong. I don’t deserve to even say your name, I don’t deserve to even have the chance to say this to you. This could have all been avoided and now this is time we are never getting back. Years after years I had been astonished by the stories, by every single sign you gave to me, to everyone. I never doubted who you were and what we had, I knew it all. So what was stopping me? I am an idiot, I am an idiot with no idea about where to go and let alone how to get there. I have been able to go through the most craziest years of my life yet I couldn’t go through one simple task. I had it in the palm of my hands and I let it slip. I knew it right after I did it and I let all this time go by because of my pride, because of my pride I’ve pulled myself away, I’ve made myself believe that you were being unfair. I can’t believe that you are listening to this right now, if I was you, I’d walk away, never open this door anymore. But I am not you, you are amazing, you are the opposite of what I am and everyone else claims to be. You are beyond everything I even think about you. There’s no one out there like you and even though we walk around with a smile, we always feel the emptiness when the fun runs out. You don’t need me, you don’t need anybody because even if we turned into dust you’ll still be you. You’re filled with possibilities, mysterious possibilities but it’s not in my place to question you, you’ve never let me down so I will trust you until that day. So today, I say I am ready to take that step forward and give everything that is holding me back from you up for you, and take every selfish thought and never let it fill my mind. To give up my life to walk in your steps and do what you intended me to do. But if you know me any better you know I will fall and if I know you any better I know you will pick me up.
I begin to wonder about what people’s real intentions are. Does anyone really care for another person? Do you really give everything up for someone when you meet or are you secretly doing it for yourself? I met this woman once, and for the sake of her reputation I will call her bitch. This woman claimed to have done everything for her husband, worked two jobs, gave up smoking as soon as they went steady, she even went as far as giving up some friends. The woman was amazing to her husband. He came home and the house was always clean and dinner was already made. The husband didn’t stay behind, he was a real nice guy, worked really hard and was raising a beautiful daughter, who at the time was about my age. So what was the problem? He was raising a daughter that wasn’t his. So was it for her and for them?
What are you pulling away? I know we are not perfect together but it feels so real. I’ve never felt so it real. It’s like the whole universe wants us to be separated in our hearts and just forget about everything else and focus on each other. Why do you do this to me? Why do you make my handshake and my heart race? Why do you tend to make me forget about everything else and live in the moment? Are we soulmates? I don’t even know if I would call you my soulmate everything is just so fucked up. But you are like my soulmate. You do make everything so much better, because of you life makes sense. You make my heart skip beats and give me this electricity every time I touch your body. With you I feel like I’ve been dead all this time and every time I’m close to you and hold you tight, I’m alive again. You are my heart, the life to my body. Please come back.